The Path From Insecurity To Self-Confidence

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The road to improve your self-confidence
Spoiler alert – There is no instant gratification in this article 😉

Self-confidence growth is about improving self-esteem, that originates in self-knowledge

In general, lifestyle magazines offer instant solutions for their readership daily concerns. They address symptoms, but rarely look deeper at the required work to deal with the root cause. They are mostly about outer appearance and rarely about inner awareness necessary for personal growth. Just for fun, here is how those magazines look like.

Testing your level of self-esteem in 12 questions

Answer by yes or no. Are you comfortable enough with your self-esteem level to (1) learn from others? (2) make decisions quickly? (3) admit your mistakes? (4) take risks? (5) show your flaws? (6) give compliments? (7) spend time with others? (8) be responsible for your actions? (9) accept others differences? (10) laugh about yourself? (11) give to others? (12) keep learning and growing?

Your  self-esteem may be good, not-so-good, correctly or falsely perceived. Whatever your self-scoring results, there is always room to improve your self-confidence, increase your self-knowledge  and make better life decisions.

Your path to self-confidence starts with the desire to change

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

— Albert Einstein

Everyone agrees with Einstein’s quote and sincerely wants to change what does not work in their life. The difficulty begins when realizing that the process will require to unblock certain habits and/or conditionings. Diving into the unknown can be scary and will take courage to defeat the inherent fear.

Let’s now take a look at the same 12 questions from the opposite lighting.

Again answer by yes or no. Are you blocking your self-confidence growth by (1) being a know-it-all? (2) deferring decisions? (3) blaming your mistakes on others? (4) staying in your comfort zone? (5) hiding your flaws? (6) seeking validation? (7) disliking others? (8) making excuses for your actions? (9) being judgmental? (10) worrying about what others will think of you? (11) taking from others? (12) staying stuck in old habits?

Two similar sets of  12 questions … the first one with only traits about self-confidence and the second one with their opposites traits about insecurity. Why is it that the first set made you feel good about yourself and the second didn’t? Your ego would validate a good self-image of yourself in the first set, while the second would require improvements of your insecurity feeling. While the passivity of the first set resulted from your ego manipulations, insecurity awareness would require action in the second set.

Your ego is asking “Why changing if I am happy the way I am?

If an adolescent would tell you “I don’t need puberty and can develop without it“, you would laugh. Well, whether they like it or not, adults are going through constant life changes such as marriage, family, mid-life transition as well as menopause, andropause, seniority. Since those changes will happen anyway, might as well gain their awareness and grow more consciously. Your ego knows how to manipulate your laziness and will tell you not to bother. Will you choose the path of least resistance by deluding yourself and remain passive? As the rude awakening will happen anyway, ignoring it now will make it much more painful later. Not a good deal.

How to gain a greater self-confidence with astro-tarology

Number of people are telling me “I don’t believe in astrology.” Then when asked what does astrology mean to them? In general, their answers are limited to fortune telling and horoscopes in magazines. Rare are those aware that there is a serious astrology, a 5000-year old discipline combining art and science. Astrology is the correlation between celestial and terrestrial events, such as (1) the Moon cycles and the ocean tides or (2) the Sun cycles and the day and night alternance, etc… Those are scientific facts, that do not belong at all to belief matters. Based on the fact that self-esteem originates from self-knowledge, Astro-tarology can help you on your path to greater self-confidence. To get more info about how astro-tarology can work for you, just click here.

In light and harmony. Always, Serge Bernard

Dreams Analysis For A Better Life – A True Case Story

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Dreams Analysis Can Change Your Life

480x480-carl-jungThe dream is a little hidden door in the innermost and most secret recesses of the soul, opening into that cosmic night which was psyche long before there was any ego-consciousness.
– Carl Jung

1000x1000-sigmund-freudDreams completely satisfy wishes excited during the day which remain unrealized. They are simply and undisguisedly realizations of wishes.
-Sigmund Freud

Greater wellbeing and making better life decisions originates in better self-knowledge, which always consists in bringing hidden unconscious parts to consciousness. The unconscious concept founders were Sigmund Freud (more rational) and Carl Jung (more mystical). While Freud’s dreams analysis is more appropriate to reveal things of childhood, Jung’s approach is more to explore the meaning of life. Both Freud and Jung use symbols interpretation.

From Low Self-Esteem To Its Resolution: Rebecca Real Story

1200x800-dreamcatcher
The Dreamcatcher

Rebecca (not her real name neither her in the picture) is a 40-year old part time aerobic teacher woman. Her husband is an executive in a large corporation. Three years before starting our work, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The cancer was surgically removed and eradicated with chemotherapy. Rebecca stated that she was living in a permanent state of depression and sadness, could not sleep without over-the-counter sleeping pills and was suffering from recurrent colds. Moreover she expressed her lifetime low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy as she said she was “pathologically shy”, “terrified to death with school”, and “always feeling stupid.”

Rebecca was born in a middle-class family and has an older sister with whom she is very close. While the family looked perfect on the surface, the two daughters had to adjust to their autocratic father and submissive mother. Unlike her sister who reacted as a placater with her father, Rebecca felt unable to satisfy his high and emotionless expectations. Because her father admired her pleasing sister, Rebecca perceived her as superior and withdrew into herself at an early age.

School has been a traumatic experience for Rebecca. In her early school days, she was terrified to leave her mother. At age nine she was petrified by her teacher whom she described as a mean and cold witch. From that time Rebecca began to feel stupid. She would hate tests, especially math and oral tests, because she would perceive them as a proof of her stupidity. Rebecca still hates that teacher and avoids any academic activities because of her test anxiety.

Reaching 14 was another unhappy year for Rebecca. She was totally demotivated, hated everything about school and had terrible grades. She tried to quit school as she felt that she was not as good as the others. She smoked marijuana occasionally and ran away with a friend for one day. Finally when she was 16 she frequently skipped school and her school nightmare would end when she got pregnant. She then married her high school sweetheart and finally quit from school. Rebecca and her husband raised their son who would become a responsible adult man.

A major couple crisis happened several years ago when her husband left for another woman during his mid-life crisis. Rebecca was desperate and suicidal thoughts crossed her mind. After six months, her husband eventually returned home and they have remained united since.

Rebecca Grew Up Pretending To Be a Boy

The father is the cornerstone of the family myth. Everyone had to adjust to his rational tyranny and be in the service of his “strong family leader” role. His wife chose to be submissive and his two daughters had to also sacrifice their true identities to adjust. Repressing her emotions, Rebecca’s sister acted according the father’s model and became his favorite daughter. Hearing her father always praising her sister, Rebecca perceived her as superior. At a very early age she gave up any hope of meeting her father’s expectations which resulted in her withdrawal into herself, the repression of her emotions and developing a strong feeling of inferiority.

The Magical Revelation of a Dream

Rebecca once told me a very revealing dream. She was rinsing pasta in a kitchen sink in the house of her childhood. Pasta was spiraled and every single one had a penis shape. This dream was about her conception: the spiraled pasta was symbolizing an all-male sperm in the sink-vagina of her parents alchemical kitchen. Her father was expecting the birth of a boy. To be her father’s boy was an expectation Rebecca could never meet, although she tried as she always wanted to be a boy. She was faced with this impossible challenge from the first second of her life. Coincidentally, Rebecca indicated that between her sister birth and hers, her mother miscarried a boy.

When becoming a teenager and her breasts beginning to show, Rebecca could no longer pretend to be a boy to her father. It is exactly at that time that she was driven to break the communication with her father.

With her sporty appearance and her childish look, Rebecca looks much younger than her age; almost as if her development was blocked at an early stage. Rebecca reminded me of Peter Pan eternal youth, which she  completely agreed to when we discussed this metaphor.

Rebecca Now Smiles And Gained Self-Confidence

Thanks to her dream revelation, Rebecca would gain the awareness that she was not born as a boy and that she could progressively unveil the woman she was meant to be. Rebecca became motivated in changing her self-image sustained by new spiritual and professional aspirations. As she was entering her mid-life crisis, her life changes took positive directions. Rebecca unveiled her true self, gained a stronger self-image and felt more adequate.

Rebecca has come a long way. Now with rare, short and mild depressive episodes, Rebecca smiles and has gained self-confidence. Her recurrent colds have become occasional. However, she still has difficulty sleeping without sleeping pills. Her attitude towards cancer has improved substantially, as she learned to cope with the womanhood loss resulting from her surgery.

The Unconscious And Your Wellbeing

As it changed Rebecca’s life, dream analysis can transform yours. If you are not doing so already, write all the dreams you can remember of within the 10-minute period after you wake up. Start tomorrow morning. You will need them to build your personal dictionary of symbols. On a limited budget, Astro-tarology is a quick approach to reveal your repressed, hidden or forgotten unconscious parts. Dream interpretation would go in more depth but would require recurrent sessions. In any case an Astro-Tarology session is always recommended as an excellent start.

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In light and love, Serge Bernard